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One of the things I love most about my son is his ability to force me to
formulate into words the big questions we all ponder. So it was, when my son
asked me about the meaning of life. I had to think about it for many weeks and
the following was my answer.
I once read a story by Gene Rodenberry, and he professed that the purpose of
our existence is to spread intelligence throughout the universe. And he
believed, that if his assumption was right, then it would also only make sense
that the little pockets of intelligence be placed far enough apart that they
couldn't find each other until they had also advanced enough to live in
peace.
I kinda like his idea. And to take it a little further, whether you are an
amoeba, a lizard, or a human, it is your purpose in life to be the best you
can possibly be. The meaning of life, therefore, is to make sure the next
generation is better than the last. For the only way we can fulfill the purpose
of our existence is to advance to the next level, whether
or not it is humans that are to become the next tier.
Life goes forward, trying thousands of experiments,
most fail. We may, or may not be the link to the future,
but our only chance of success is to always be moving
forward, and to be better than before.
Whether you bring children into this world or not, it is every human's job to
assure those that follow are better than we were.
If I'm right, then I fullfilled my destiny. My life had purpose and meaning, because both of my children have
become better human beings than I.
Give us a brain and an opposable thumb....
Regarding survival of the
species, scientists don't put much weight on intelligence as being a very
useful trait. They not only site the millions of species of limited
intelligence that have been successful for far longer periods than us, they
also point out the dinosaurs' 165 million years of earthly domination didn't
require a high IQ.
However, I beg to differ. The dinosaurs had over 100 million
years on us and yet when a meteor struck earth, it was good-bye dummies,
hello extinction. Compare that to the strides humans have made in the
relatively short span of 10 to 15 million years. We are but a 100 years, at
most, from having the ability to discover, and either divert or destroy any
asteroid that strays too close to earth. The ability to change our
environment, for good or bad, seems to be pretty handy.
Give us a
brain and an opposable thumb and there ain't nothing we can't do.
How Stupid am I
The
bridge had a steady stream of cars as town folk drove
out to see the river at flood stage. The spillway, usually
a serene trickle dropping five or six feet, was now
a torrent of churning hell. The water on the down side
of the dam was only two feet lower than above the dam.
Water boiled to the surface in the back wash. Logs were
churning end over end, creating water spouts four feet
in the air. Bob and I were intrigued. We had a few years
of white water canoeing under our belt and the
idea of paddling through the water haystacks seemed
exciting.
“I
don’t think it could be done in a canoe, but I’ve got
a rubber dingy that could handle it.” Bob said.
“It
wouldn’t tip?” I asked.
“Not
a chance. I’ve been out in the lake and tried tipping
it over and couldn’t. I’d stake my life on it.”
Little
did I know, we would. We had always rented canoes and
they came with paddles and life jackets. We had neither.
We fashioned paddles in the garage. As for life jackets,
if you’re going to ride in a boat that can not tip over,
why would you need them? My wife thought it sounded
exciting. After we went over the dam a couple of times,
she’d like to try it. She packed up the play pen for
our one year old daughter and set up on a cliff to
the side of the dam. She brought the camera to capture
the excitement.
Bob
and I pushed his two man raft in to the water and jumped
in a hundred yards above the dam. We paddled to the
center of the current. The bottom of the dingy was soft
rubber and the weight of our bodies made deep depressions.
I was surprised how pliable the boat was. About twenty
yards above the dam I turned to Bob and said, “We’re
(screwed).” He said, “Yep.”
As
the rubber raft went over the dam, it first arched in
the shape of the dam, but just as suddenly, when the
front of the raft hit the lower level, the raft folded.
It took one deep plunge and then sprung open shooting
us out of the raft and into the churning backwater.
I
was under water but I have no idea at what depth or
even which direction was up. My eyes could only detect
different shades of dark brown. Instantly there was
light, I popped on the surface. I managed a single breath
before being washed back into the dam and began the
process again. Only total darkness, no sense of up or
down, and churning water. Occasionally I would hit something,
or maybe something would hit me. The bottom? Logs? I
never knew. I don’t know how long I was immersed in
the swirling chocolate but once again, I popped to the
surface, managed a breath and was deposited back into
the dam to repeat the cycle. The third time I surfaced,
I saw bright yellow and grabbed for it. It was the raft
bobbing against the dam. I held to a rope tied around
the rim of the dingy and worked my way to the side away
from the dam. There was Bob, also clinging to the raft
and, for the moment, also hanging on to life. Our weight
on the downside wasn’t much of a match for the tons
of water pounding the up stream side.
A
crowd of onlookers were gathering on the bank. My wife
managed one picture before going into a panic. Men would
call out to us over the roar of the falls, “Look out
for that tree!” The river at flood stage was filled
with debris. Little by little the current pinning us
against the falls was moving us slowly toward a pile
of logs churning in the backflow.
“Don’t
go near those logs! Those logs will crush you!” We had
no choice. We were at the mercy of the river. As we
washed into the wood pile, we were able to work our
way to the outside of the mass and slowly to shore.
We walked up the embankment and could hear sirens. It
was the fire department and highway patrol coming to
our rescue. We later learned a man and his granddaughter
were driving across the bridge and saw us go under. He
went back in to town to summon help. I’m guessing we
were out there twenty minutes or more. Bob put the raft
in the back of the pickup and then lied still underneath
it. The highway patrol officer came to me and said,
“You know, you're awful damn lucky son.”
“Yes
sir. I know I am.”
Back
at the house Bob and I sat around my kitchen table.
“Bob.
You want to tell me that part again about that boat
being impossible to tip over?”
“Yeah,
I’ve been thinking about that. I remember now, I had
a sheet of plywood in the bottom to make it rigid,”
he reflected.
“Well
you said you’d stake your life on it. We almost did.”
It
may be the dumbest thing I ever did. The point was brought
home to me the next day. At work, an employee
of mine had listened to the ordeal over his police
scanner.
“Hey
Jim, did you hear about the two idiots that went over
the dam yesterday?”
Strahle,
You Bastard
Every spring we looked
forward to our annual canoe trip. We would try to get
off work a little early on Friday to get ahead start
on the six hour drive to Arkansas. Inevitably someone
would put us behind, and so it was the year we had a
caravan of six vehicles leaving town around 6 pm. It
was during the CB radio craze, but only two of
us had them, Hab and I. We decided to let Hab lead and
we would bring up the rear. The other four vehicles
without a radio would travel between us.
Six hours later we
are lost. We are somewhere in north Arkansas well after
midnight and we are exhausted. Hab comes over the CB.
“Strahle, I’m
going up to channel 19 and see if I can find a local yokel
who can give us directions.” My canoeing partner and
I look at each other and then reach for the channel
selector. We might as well listen to Hab’s chatter.
“Uh.....This
is Bobcat, looking for a local yokel. C’mon now.” Silence.
“Uh yeah, this is Bobcat, looking for a local yokel.
Come back.”
I can’t resist.
I disguise my voice and say, “Uh, yeah. This here’s
a local yokel. Come back.”
Hab jumps at
the opportunity to connect, “Uh yeah, local yokel. This
here is Bobcat. We’re trying to find the Buffalo River
and we’re traveling southbound on Hwy 7, north of Jasper.”
I glance out
the window, “Uh yeah Bobcat, have ya come to a...a....Ford
Country Billboard?”
“I just passed
it!” Hab yells.
“Well you’ve
gone too far,” I say. Hab’s brake lights come on, then
the brake lights on
all four cars between us. I jump back down to CB channel
11 and cue the mic, “What’s going on Hab?”
Hab says, “We’ve
gone too far. We need to turn around.” He reaches out
his window and gives an arm signal to the others that
we need to turn around. One by one, each vehicle makes
a three point turn, followed by us and soon we are heading
northbound. Hab and I both move back to channel 19.
“Uh...okay local
yokel. This is Bobcat and we got turned around. We’re
heading northbound on Hwy 7. Come back.”
I disguise my
voice once again, “Uh okay now.......have ya passed
a....a...T....on the rightside?”
“I just passed
it!” Hab exclaims.
“Well you’ve
gone too far again,” I say.
Hab’s brake lights
come on once again, followed by the lights of the other four vehicles. I quickly go back to channel 11.
“Strahle? You
aren’t going to believe this. But we’ve gone too far
again.” says Hab.
“You’re kidding!” I
say.
“Nope.”
Once again Hab
sticks his arm out the window and signals to the other
drivers we have to turn around. The others are confused
and mad. Without the radio communication, they have
no idea what is going on. They start laying on their
horns, honking their frustrations at Hab.
Meanwhile back
in my car, we are laughing so hard we have tears streaming
down our faces.
Hab goes back
to Channel 19 and once again announces his new direction.
“Okay local yokel,
we are southbound.”
He is waiting
for a response, but we are laughing so hard, I can’t
talk. I am trying to stall long enough to gather my
composure so I can talk. Finally I cue the mic, but
can’t hold it in and burst into laughter.. Hab recognizes
the laugh.
“Strahle, you
bastard.”
The Motivation Platoon
In 1967 I was protesting the war and went into the Marine Reserves to escape
the draft. I never took boot camp very serious - it made me laugh. There would
be a drill instructor four inches in front of my face yelling at the top of his
lungs, "I can't hear you!" and I would get tickled and laugh. They told me I did
not have a military mind. I said, "and that's a bad thing, right?" They said,
"Strahle, we're sending you on a little picnic." They sent me to "Motivation.“
Whenever you meet an old Marine, they will know someone, who knew someone, who
was sent to the Motivation Platoon. I am one of the proud, the few, the Marines,
that went. I knew I was in trouble when we passed signs that said, "No one
allowed beyond this point. No cameras allowed." We were force marched, carrying
a shovel and two metal buckets. We had two canteens of water around our waist.
We held the shovel out in front of us. The metal buckets hung on our fore
arms.
There were maybe twenty of us and maybe ten drill instructors. We were
marched three to four miles to where all the latrines of the base emptied into a
lagoon. We were told to fill our buckets with the water from the lagoon - human
feces and all. The smell alone was awful. We then were told to pour the urine
and feces into a pile of dirt and ordered to stir the mixture with our bodies.
We were forced to crawl on our stomachs through the slop towards the drill
instructor's feet. He continually moved in a circle around us so that you had to
keep crawling back through the mixture. A ninety degree turn forced bodies that
were parallel to suddenly be kicking the guy next to you in the face. As this
was going on, the guys on the outside of the circle were picked up and thrown
into the middle of us. One drill instructor was swinging a pack full of dirt
above his head. As the guy in front of me moved past him, he lowered the pack
and hit him square in the face. The guy was instantly knocked unconscious or
killed. He went limp and we carried him to a stretcher. I never saw him again. I
was kicked in the mouth and it split my lip and the blood poured across my chin,
and neck.
By the time the blood ran down my chest it was eight inches wide. Some guy
went psycho and was curled up in a little ball crying. In fact several of the
men were crying. They took me over to one of them and forced him to look at me
and said, "This guy's bleeding all over himself and you don't see him crying, do
ya?" More guys passed out from heat exhaustion and the water in the canteens we
carried was used to pour over their faces to try to get them to come to. We
were not allowed to take a drink. Four guys were sent from my company and only
two of us came back. The last time I saw the other two, they were unconscious.
As we left, seven to eight people are lying limp in the mess. On our return,
several more fell out. One guy, a couple of people ahead of me, was starting to
fall and they grabbed him and pulled him by his ears until he passed out. They
let go and he fell and we all trampled him. Bruises were already appearing on
our fore arms where the metal handles of the buckets cut into the skin. As bad
as this was, the worst was yet to come.
Because of the amount of blood all over me, I was used as an example. All of
the San Diego Marine Corps barracks were called to line up. With blood all over
my face, chin, and chest and with human feces and filth all over me, I was
paraded past every one of them as an example of what would happen to them if
they didn't shape up. From the heat exhaustion and the loss of blood, I could
barely walk. I could tell by the looks on the faces of the guys I passed I must
have been pretty bad.
It was a good experience for me because ever since that day, whenever I have
a bad day, I always look back and say, "Today isn't as bad as that one day."
I recently attended a high scholl re-union where I ran into a friend who went
through boot camp with me. We were talking about my day at motivation and I told
him what I learned. He agreed. He said every time he thinks he is having a bad
day, he stops and says, "Today ain't as bad as the one day Strahle had."
The
Impossible Sit Up
Corporal Stevens had to go. He recently returned from Vietnam and was a
bit too gung ho for those of us biding our time in the Marine Corps
Reserves while avoiding the draft. We decided to do the "Impossible Sit-Up."
Drastic times called for drastic measures. We were sitting in the Quonset
hut, polishing our brass. Stevens was shooting his mouth off about what a bad
ass he was. I said, "We had a guy in boot camp that could do the impossible
sit-up."
My buddy, Bill Lewis, carries it to the next step. "No way!"
"I
swear he could. I never saw him do it, but some of my buddies saw him. He
only did it once."
Another one of the guys chimed in, "Well, Pat
Rapp can
almost do one." "Really?" I say. "Hey Rapp, Amspatcher says you can do
an impossible sit-up." Corporal Stevens turns to me, "What the f@#k is an
impossible sit-up?" We have him now. I ignore him. Rapp says, "Well I'm
not very good at it."
Things were going as planned. Suddenly Sergeant Kline
joins us and begins listening to our conversation. We give each other a
nervous glance, trying to decide whether to continue. We do. "C'mon Rapp.
Let's see ya try it!" I yell. Rapp reluctantly stands and walks to our end of
the hut. "Man, I dunno. I'm outta shape," he says patting his
stomach. Rapp lies on his back as I fold a towel and place it across
his forehead. Placing my weight on my hands, I pin his head to the floor
and Amspatcher looks at his wristwatch. "Ready, set, go!"
Rapp
struggles to do a sit-up and we all count off ten seconds
in unison. ".......7.......8......9......10." I release the towel and
Rapp struggles to do the sit-up. He makes it about three-fourths of the way
up, but collapses with exhaustion. We all applaud him for his effort. "Oh
bull sh#!" Sergeant Kline pushed Rapp out of the way. Once again we all look
at each other trying to decide whether to go forward. We were baiting
Corporal Stevens, not Sergeant Kline. Nonetheless, Kline is already in the
sit-up position with his hands behind his head. I place the towel over
Sergeant Kline's forehead, this time dutifully covering his eyes as
well. We begin to count as Amspatcher quickly disrobes removing
his trousers and underwear. He straddles Sergeant Kline as he struggles
against the towel. ".......7.......8......9......10." I release the towel
and Sergeant Kline, with his eyes clinched shut, goes flying up, sticking his
nose into Amspatcher's butt crack. When he opens his eyes, there are two
testicals resting on the bridge of his nose. He pushes Amspatcher away and
those of us who had made a circle around him broke into laughter. Kline runs
from the room and we all felt pretty bad about the way it went down. We
decide to go to Sergeant Kline's barracks and let him know he wasn't our
intended victim. We knock for sometime before he finally comes to the
door. It was obvious he had been crying. We apologize to him and let him know
we didn't plan it that way. He was pretty understanding considering. We could
have been court-martialed, however we were very repentant and we learned
a valuable lesson. We learned when it comes to the impossible sit-up, it
is really hard to do right.
30 Years Began with Lies
We were cruising the streets of our new hometown, Kansas City. David
Chester and I went to high school together but the past few years he had been in
Arkansas, and me in Springfield, Missouri. We decided to seek our fortunes in
the big city. We were sort of doing a little apartment hunting. On this
particular afternoon in October of 1968, I had remarked how ‘stuck up’ the
Kansas City girls were. How could you flash them a smile if they wouldn’t even
make eye contact?
As we came to a red light near the Nelson Art Gallery, a car of five
girls inched forward in the lane to our left. “They won’t even pull along side
us,” I sighed. Sure enough, the car set back from Chester’s Austin-Healey Sprite
as we all waited for the light to change. We turned right on Main and as we hit
39th Street I recognized the car of a co-worker I had just met at my new job. We
pulled over and got out of our car to shoot the breeze. We were in the street
talking when a car whizzed by and honked. Sure enough it was the shy girls from
the stop light on Brushcreek
At Main and Linwood, we cruised Nu-way’s Drive-in, then down to
Gillham for Sydney’s. Maybe twenty minutes later, as we continued downtown, I
saw a, now familiar, green car cross three blocks ahead.
“Chester! Catch up to ‘em. That’s the car that honked!” Soon we were
side-by-side and I had to think of something fast.
“Can you tell us where the ASB Bridge is?” The redhead sitting
shotgun turned to her friends and then to us.
“We’ll show you.”
Crossing the bridge bought me a little more time.As we crossed the
bridge, we pulled along side of them.
“Can you tell us where the Northgate Apartments are?” Once again the
redhead turned to her friends, then to us.
“We’ll find it.”
The girls wove their way around North Kansas City for maybe thirty
minutes with us in tow before they finally gave up and pulled into a parking
space. We pulled along side. I confessed I knew where the apartments were, but
we did need their help. We didn’t know anything about looking for an apartment
and if they would just go with us they could point out things we wouldn’t be
aware of. We were, afterall the out-of-towners. The girls held another
conference and then agreed to accompany us.
Chester and I, and the five girls, toured the apartment. We didn’t
take the apartment but we did like two of the girls. The redhead was my
favorite.
“What’s your name?”
“Joan.”
“Joan what?” Her eyes rolled and she began to stammer.
“Come on. Your real name.”
“Joan Davidson.”
“Well there are a lot of Davidsons in the phone book. What street do
you live on?” She paused again.
“Come on,” I urged. Finally she gave me a street.
We parted company but, two of the girls chose to stay with us.
Chester’s car was a two seater and we spent several hours in the small sports
car, winding our way around KC taking them home. When I finally made it to a
phone, around 10 P.M. I called Joan.
“How would you like to go to a Jimi Hendrix concert at Municipal
Auditorium next Saturday?” Joan said ‘yes.’ We had a date. It wasn’t often I was
able to lock up a date a week in advance. Around Wednesday, as a primer for our
big date, I called Joan to see if she’d like to go for an ice cream.
“No.”
“Well okay, but we’re still on for Saturday, right?”
“No.”
“What’s the matter? Silence.
“Do you think I’m married or something?”
“No.”
“Are YOU married?”
“No”
“Then what’s the matter?” Silence.
“Oh, you can’t talk, because your parents are near?”
“Uh-huh.”
At least I understood what we were doing. I proceeded to ask only
‘yes’ and ‘no’ questions. Through the process of elimination, I was able to
determine Joan had decided we couldn’t date because we hadn’t met properly.
Exasperated, I tried a final plea.
“Joan, you are the only girl I know in Kansas City. I already have
the tickets. If you don’t go out with me. I’m out the money for the tickets.
“You already have the tickets?”
“Yep.”
“Okay. I’ll go.”
“Then if we’re going out Saturday, how about going for the ice cream
tonight?”
“Well....okay.”
I then raced out and bought the Hendrix tickets before picking her up
for the ice cream.
Ten months later, we were married. Since then, it has occurred to me
many times over the last thirty years we’ve been married, if I hadn’t lied about
the bridge, lied about the apartment, lied about the tickets, I would never have
had the chance to show her what a nice, honest, young man I really was.
Jenny's First Day
It was a cold, chilly December night. Clusters of snowflakes blew
through the dark sky forming snow drifts waist high. Frost covered our windows
on the inside glass. It was a perfect night to stay in and cuddle.
Joan said, “It’s time!”
I threw her suitcase in the back of our truck and went back to
collect Joan. The snow was deep, but I knew we could make it. We made it to the
middle of our street. The truck was stuck in a snow drift diagonally blocking
traffic from both directions. Joan may be delivering, the truck wasn’t.
Plan B. We left the truck in street, and walked back up the driveway
and got into our other vehicle and attempted to back out once more. We made it
to the hospital. We were in the prep room. Joan had her fists clenched around
the metal bars, wrenching in pain. It was just like in the movies. Back then,
husbands were just people who got in the way. I was asked to go boil water or
something. When I got back, Jenny, our daughter entered this world, and suddenly
we knew the world would be a better place because she was in it.
Two days later, we are lying in bed. It is Jenny’s first night in her
new crib, in her new home. Actually she was crying, and had been crying for some
time. It was probably only thirty minutes, but for us it seemed to be hours. We
were stumped. She had a dry diaper. She couldn’t be hungry again. Joan and I
quizzed each other about what should we do.
“Should we go get her?”
“No, mom said we’ll spoil her. “
“Well Jolene’s a nurse and she said you can’t spoil a baby that
young.”
We lie in bed, and listen to the cries.
We discuss. Meanwhile Jenny cries.
“Joan, this is our first night home with our child. We have our whole
lives ahead of us. The terrible two’s, the preschool years, the pre-teen years,
the teen years, the teen years, oh God the teen years! And here we are on our
first night and already we don’t know what to do.”
In unison, Joan and I both said, “We’re in trouble.”
Oh, Brother
I might have been a difficult kid to raise. I wasn’t
so much a mean kid, I just had a vivid imagination and
it most likely caused some stress among my family members.
For instance, I once placed dry ice between the storm
window, and the interior window, of our home. I waited
til my mom pulled in the driveway and began pouring
water from the garden hose on to it. Of course it began
to spew smoke and I began yelling the house was on fire!
'Seemed like a fun idea at the time.
Another time, my friend Chester and I spent an hour
unwrapping 4-10 shotgun shells to collect the gunpowder.
We placed the gunpowder in a pipe, put the cap of a
shotgun in one end, and placed packing in the other,
using a ball of clay as a projectile.
We placed the pipe on a big rock in the yard, and
put two more rocks on top of it. Chester held a screwdriver
to the cap, while I hit it with a hammer.
Ka-Boom! We were knocked on out butts. I remember
holding up my hands, counting fingers and being relieved
when I got to ten. My mom burst out of the house and
was yelling at me but my ears were ringing so much I
couldn’t hear what she said. We had blown the ball of
clay into the side of my parent’s house, shattering
the siding.
But most of my schemes were done to my sister, Julie.
Once I took a roll of kite string and after beginning
at her bedroom door knob I strung it though the ceiling
light, across to the curtain rods, under the bed, etc.
Once I had some good stringers I was able to weave
all 1000 feet of string throughout the room. It took
me some time just to crawl through the maze to get out
the door. As soon as my sister returned home I dialed
the phone in her room and then yelled, “Julie! Your
phone’s ringing!”
She bounded up the stairs and burst through her door
to get to the phone. She didn’t make it. In fact she
had only made it about six feet. I slowly approached
her room. I peaked through her door. All the curtains
and the light fixture had come down on her and she was
wrapped in string like a cocoon.
Still my favorite has to be the night of the bucket.
I was 14 and she was 16. She had a date and while she
was gone, Chester and I ran a string from my bedroom
window on the second story, through a pulley and then
tied to the handle of a metal bucket. In the bucket
I placed a water balloon. We did a test run and as we
pulled the string, the bucket tipped and the water balloon
fell on the front step, right where someone on a date
would likely pause to say good night.
We placed a new water balloon in the bucket and then
waited for hours for my sister to return from her date.
Finally, sometime after midnight they arrived. I leaned
out the window to make sure I didn’t pull the string
too early. Sure enough, they paused, right on target
for a goodnight kiss. I yanked the string. 'Yank,' rather
than 'pull' is the operative word. Rather than tip the
bucket, I snapped the string.
Konk! The heavy metal bucket hit my sister’s head.
She goes crazy, yelling and screaming. Chester and I
scramble to our beds and pretend to be asleep. My sister
is crashing through the dining room, knocking over chairs,
working her way to the steps to come upstairs. I heard
several threats made against my life. As she stumbled
to the kitchen I heard my mom intercept her. Mom was
trying to stay between Julie and me but when I heard
footsteps on the stairs I knew I was dead.
There was the sound of a pretty good tackle, along
with a lot of commotion and I opened one eye to see
what was going on. I could see my sister’s arms stretched
out, digging her fingers into the shag carpeting, pulling
her body forward, inch by inch. I realized my mom must
have had her arms wrapped around my sister’s ankles
and Julie was having to drag my mom up the stairs. Julie’s
head comes into view. She has a cut on her forehead
with a little trickle of blood running down her face.
She is still screaming about all the terrible things
she is going to do to me. Her date must have been left
standing on the front porch wondering what kind of lunatic
family this must be. And me? I’m praying to my mom,
“Please don’t let go of Julie’s ankles.”
Clueless
Back in the 80s when the VCR craze was just getting started, I owned an
electronics store and spent a lot of time putting customers in touch with the
new technology. Some folks were more in touch than others.
Questions like, “How does a VCR record TV shows when the TV isn’t on?”
or “How can it record in color when my TV is a black and white?” were common.
But my favorite question came from a woman who asked, “If I record my VCR while
it’s connected to my little TV in the kitchen, will it be small when I play it
back on my big TV in the front room?”
Another customer caught me off guard and I had to think about where the
question came from. She was holding a catalog in her hand and she asked, “If I
buy a stereo from you, can I get cloth on both speakers?” I didn’t grasp why she
asked me. Then I looked at the catalog she was holding and then looked around my
store and every picture of a stereo and every stereo on my floor had the grill
cloth removed on one speaker cabinet so the consumer can see the speakers. I
suppose if I was a good salesman, I would have said, “Well I could get that for
you for another $25.”
I was sharing tales with a friend who was in the video department of a
grocery store. They were running a promotion where you received a free video
rental with the purchase of $10 or more of groceries. A little old lady had her
groceries and had received her free movie and was heading for the door. She
spies my friend and says, “Now these will play on old TVs too, right?”
“Yes ma’am, they will play on any TV,” he assured her.
“Well then, where do you stick it?”
Boiling
Point
The
43 names on the Homeland Security bulletin looked like all the other lists. As
Administrative Aid to the Homeland Security Office of the Kansas City Police
Department, Sgt Todd Marks had posted at least 12 lists already. In the short
four [four short] months since being transferred from the Career Criminal
Section, the new assignment [had] distanced him even further from the
excitement of the streets.
Watching
the 30 copies spit out of the machine, one name did catch his eye; Mohammad
Satar Ahmadzai. Unless Ahmadzai was a common Arab name, Todd had met him just
months ago at his brother Jack’s wedding. Upon introductions, Jack had
slaughtered his name. On the third attempt he Americanized it to “Oh-my daisy.”
Ahmadzai was a co-worker of Jack’s at Trigen, the coal-fired steam generation
plant in downtown KC.
Todd
wondered if it could be the same guy. Being on the list didn’t mean much,
really. Just being a cousin of one of the 9/11 hijackers is enough to get you
posted. For the first time, Todd actually read the script at the top of the
page. “For Law Enforcement Use Only. Not to be publicly distributed. Persons
listed below are known to be, or have been, in the Kansas City area. No action
required."
Todd
spelled the name for his brother. “Is it your buddy?”
“Well,
I think so. Why, is he in trouble?” Jack asked.
Todd
explained what he knew of the list.
“I
hate to let you down, but Ahmadzai is cool. In fact, he’s probably the most
knowledgeable, hardest working guy we have. He has improved our system ten fold.
You know how in the movies you always see steam coming out of the manhole
covers in the gritty city [gritty-city ?] winter shots? You never see that in Kansas City. Ahmadzai has
replaced hundreds of valves in our system. It saves us thousands of dollars a
month. In fact, our system is so tight now, we have even had a relief valve pop
in the SRS office of the Missouri State Offices. That never could have happened
before Ahmadzai.”
The
Missouri State Offices were the last in the line of the downtown steam distribution
system. Emanating from 3rd and Grand, the steam lines warmed several
downtown office buildings and almost all of the government buildings; City
Hall, City Court, The Jackson County Courthouse, Police Headquarters, the Richard
Bolling Federal Building and finally the Fletcher Daniel
State Office Building.
“So
how does a guy from Saudi
Arabia become in expert in steam heat?” Todd
asked.
“Those
guys get a free college education, and engineers are a dime a dozen coming out
of the Mid-East.”
The
conversation ended, and he put it out of his mind. Then last July, Todd was in
the break-room break room when he encountered Officer Steve Thomas. They had gone
through the academy together, and they had both been on the same career path
until Thomas’ reserve unit was called to active duty. His unit had just
returned intact, and now he was back at the PD working in the Patrol Unit. They
had a chance to catch up.
“I
spent 18 months in Afghanistan attacking deserted camps and empty caves. The
locals gave them plenty of time to clear out long in advance of our arrival.
They were well funded [well-funded] too. You think of a cave like what a
caveman would have lived. These were totally finished rooms with gas lights and
steam heat.”
“Steam
heat in a cave? Todd asked. “Doesn’t it only get down to something like 56
degrees in a cave?”
“We
thought it was weird too. Another thing, it was like they had to buy everything
one at a time, like at a garage sale. One room would have a brand new, enclosed
housing, while the next room would have an old radiator out of a hotel or
something.”
Sgt.
Marks was puzzled. What’s with the steam heat? He Googled ‘steam heat.’ Maybe
there’s a renowned heating and cooling engineering university in the Mid-east.
Maybe there were tight controls on other types of energy. He found nothing. He
wondered if there could be a connection between the Ahmadzai, the steam expert
on the Homeland Security list and the abandoned cave with steam heat. What
could they do, steam us to death?
Over
his lunch hour he walked the five blocks from police headquarters to Trigen.
The October wind made him stuff his hands in his pockets. He had to be buzzed
in. At least there are some security measures there. As he walked along the catwalk
he looked down on the battleship grey valves, pipes and tanks. The hum and hiss
would make conversation difficult, but he followed his brother through the maze
of tubes. He never saw another soul.
Across
from Police Headquarters, he had watched as the Federal Building became a
fortress after 9/11. Concrete bunkers ensured an explosive-laden vehicle could
never breach the perimeter. Yet at Trigen, pipes connecting all of the
government buildings didn’t have so much as a security guard. Again he
dismissed it. It’s not like a terrorist could crawl through a steam pipe.
Back
at work, he wondered if the system could be used to do evil. He wondered if
terrorists wondered as well.
Using
his Homeland Security title and savvy, Sgt. Marks called the one contact he
knew on the local level at the FBI, agent Jeff Lemery. Agent Lemery was
coasting. Two years from retirement, the last thing he’d want is to make waves.
Marks asked if the FBI could tell him how many, if any, of the names on the
FBI’s terrorist list had a connection to commercial heating and cooling
systems. Lemery pointed out the FBI was in the business of gathering
information but they weren’t too big on distributing information. Todd
confessed it was probably a his runaway imagination, but asked if there could
be could there be a link to the steam in caves half way around the world and
the steam in Kansas City
.
“What
are they gonna do, steam us to death?” Lemery laughed. Todd hung up.
Todd
called Sgt. Glin Tatum, Philadelphia PD. They met at Northwestern University
months ago when they had both attended training for Homeland Security. He asked
a favor; Would Glin go through one of the lists he has in Philly and check
occupations?
Philly
was ahead of KC. The Philly PD adds the occupations when they receive the list.
Two of his 52 were commercial heating and cooling engineers.
“But
the most famous guy on our list is Abdul Hamid Fuad. He was identified on a
videotape recovered by CNN. The tape shows him with Osama bin Laden in doing
tests where they were perfecting killing dogs with poison gas. Odorless,
colorless, lethal gas.”
Sgt.
Todd Marks froze at his desk. “Oh my god! Could it be possible? What if there
was a plot to deliver poison gas through the Trigen system! The replacement of
connections that leaked... The increase in pressure... The ability to blow
relief valves spilling poison gas throughout the government district... County,
city, and federal employees all use the same system. Furthermore, most of the
commanders on the KCPD are staffed at police headquarters. Almost everyone is trained
in Homeland Security, including Sgt. Marks. And a bonus; at police headquarters
most of the commanders on the Kansas City Police Department are staffed there,
including almost everyone trained in Homeland Security. Including Sgt. Marks.
Todd
had to compose himself. It was just too insane, too diabolical. He was able to
go full circle and imagined [imagine] the embarrassment to the department he
would cause if he was wrong. Of course there was also Ahmadzai, the hardest
working, smartest guy at Trigen.
Sgt.
Marks retrieved the list again, and one by one began to Google each name on the
Kansas City list. A cab driver; a dentist; two unknowns; and Dr. Muktar Nasim, Doctorate in
Bioscience, NewCastle, England.
It
was time he told Tammie. They had been married two years, but it still felt
like a honeymoon. She worked across the street, at the Action Center in City
Hall. They were able to commute together. If it wasn’t hadn’t been for the growing
paranoia inside his head, he could have said life was good. As they walked to
the car the next morning, the dew was heavy on the windshield, in just a few
more weeks it would be frost. And with frost, came steam heat. He began with an
odd request.
“Can
you have the heat turned off in your office?” Todd asked.
“Are
you serious? We fight over the thermostat at home, and I am already wearing a
sweater at work because they won’t turn on the heat yet.”
“Have
you ever operated a gas mask?”
“Todd,
what is this all about?”
It
sounded crazy even as the words left his lips. But so had the idea of flying an
airline full of passengers into the World Trade Center.
“Todd,
you’ve got to tell your major what you know!” Tammie pleaded.
“That’s
just it. I don’t know anything. I’ve
got to get to the truth, no matter which way it goes. And I have to do it in
such a way as to not destroy my career and Ahmadzai’s life as well.”
The
new Tibiron system is for law enforcement use only. Every search can be traced.
Sgt. Marks felt his query was a justifiable search; He just hoped he could
convince his superiors if he was caught. The display presented the motor
vehicle information and a home address. Both Ahmadzai and Dr. Nasim lived
north of the River. Typically upwind from downtown, Todd thought.
“I’ve
got to get a grip!”
Dr.
Nasim lived in a gated community. From his own experience, Todd knew there
wasn’t much crime here. Yet posted at the grocery store was an odd coincidence.
There seemed to be a flurry of lost dogs.
to
be continued....
Strahleisms
When
walking through town, one looks around. When walking
on a beach, one looks within.
If you think a relationship is
good it probably is. If you think a relationship is
bad, it will be.
When a relationship is nearing
its end, go out classy, not clingy.
When you meet someone you think
is a '10' there is a side you haven't seen. We're all
'5's
Copyright(c) 2003 Strahle Productions. All rights
reserved. jim@jimstrahle.com
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